If this is you, talk to someone.. please
I’ve gone through this myself, and I’ve seen it a LOT in the tech industry.. The sort of bravado that keeps servers running at 2am with no fanfare always ends in burnout
You’re not sure when it started, but you do remember that you were getting occasional headaches, in the front of your head, but they felt like a poker being pressed against the temple, it was so long ago.
Those occasional headaches became a more permanent headache, something which was always there, not painful, just something you were aware of, you were sure in a few days they would be gone, and to start with, they are, then those few days turn into a few weeks.
While this is happening, you start becoming short-tempered, it’s muttering under your breath to start with, often to a partner who doesn’t understand the pressure you’re under. “It’s the job that pays the bills, let me get on with it”.
These little jibes become moans, then rants, not just to partners, but to people you work with. Nuance is lost because you’re working remotely.
Those headaches are getting worse, but that’s just part of the job, a little stress is good for you, I’m sure I read that on the internet, as are the other aches and pains, the ones in the shoulders are causing you pain when you sleep, so you are not getting the 8hrs you would do normally, 8 becomes 7, becomes 5 becomes 2 and the frustration of not sleeping
Because you’re not sleeping, you start making mistakes, forgetting things, and becoming increasingly short with everyone.
You notice this and start to compensate, you become overly helpful, smiley all the time, saying yes to work when asked. It’s good, I’m good, it’s all good people. How are you is a platitude any way isn’t it?
Inside you’re feeling trapped, your world has become a tunnel of self-doubt, and imposter syndrome is rife in your head, questioning the things you know.
If someone asks if you’re ok, you reply “I’m good”, because you know you cannot show a sign of weakness, you don’t want to be labelled “that” person.
Your head becomes foggy, you miss meetings, and deadlines, put out substandard work to get it done on time.. you can’t ask for help, you’ll be that person.. even if you could who would you ask? Everyone is so confident and knows what they are doing at work, you don’t want to seem like an idiot.
A rash appears as just a small itch to start with, then another, then another, and before long, you have large patches of dry skin everywhere, and you’ve tried all the lotions, but they don’t help, it will clear
Your breathing becomes shallow, you become exhausted, well that’s because of the pain in your shoulder not letting you sleep, isn’t it? No, it’s your blood pressure creeping up. You’re eating more junk food because the chemicals it releases make you happy. For a few minutes.
You crack, you say the wrong thing, at the wrong time, to the wrong person.. everyone said it was most unlike you, usually so helpful, so friendly, always smiling.. what happened?
I’m willing to bet if not all, that some of this feels familiar to someone reading this…
There is a number 1 rule, I and many people who have felt like this have in our heads.
Especially, however not always as a guy, because I know many great female managers in a male-dominated world have had similar experiences.
Do not show signs of weakness, you’ll be sidelined and might lose your income.
There is a generation of us, no matter how hard our parents tried to tell us it’s ok to talk to people, have seen the office banter, seen what happens to people, and don’t want that to happen to us.
I’m calling time on this
If you have ANY of these feelings, you need to speak to someone right now, not tomorrow, it’s not going to get better in a week, or a few days, the work isn’t going to slow down, and the pressure won’t disappear. it’s only going to get worse.
That person doesn’t need to be your partner, it could be the Samaritans, BetterHelp, or your GP.
If you don’t talk to someone, there is a final outcome to this story, and it leads to grief for everyone who loves you.
Over the years I’ve lost 2 good friends who ended their lives and put it down to essentially too much stress.. then not being there would make it easier for everyone.
- This is a lie
- You are worthy, you are loved, you make a difference.
- Am I writing this because I’m reaching out for help?
No, I’m not in a great place right now, however, I’m talking to people and doing the right thing for me to get this resolved. I’ve learnt the hard way what not talking to someone does to me, and I’m never doing that again.
Sometimes it’s easier to see light at the end of the tunnel when you know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
